so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
