i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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