he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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