There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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