Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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