he puts the penis in happiness.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
