he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
