do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
