i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
