For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
