What did we do last night that was yellow?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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