I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The beer is more important than you right now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
