so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
