the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
is wine microwaveable?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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