Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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