Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
