surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
