I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
