Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
