guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
