spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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