did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
