can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
sex in a hospital.. check
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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