did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
