Whod you bang
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
