if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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