she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
two words: eviction party
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
