not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
