I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
