Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry chilli_118 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.

Fav 29 1309 2875
share tweet
(734): View more from Michigan

I wish I only lived at night.

Fav 16 4464 958
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(514): View more from Quebec

Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.

Fav 8 1519 5698
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.

Fav 8 5515 1686
share tweet
(808): View more from Hawaii

They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call

(906): View more from Michigan

Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008

Fav 1 1663 809
share tweet
(206): View more from Washington

Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.

Fav 12 662 1165
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats

Fav 0 563 801
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(520): View more from Arizona

I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?

Fav 0 60 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(218): View more from Minnesota

I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!

Fav 0 13 40
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT