The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
