I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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