real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
