Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
