Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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