New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
