I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
