She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
