the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
