So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
