have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
