dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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