To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
