How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
