I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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