I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
