I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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