he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
