i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
