you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
