I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
